I smashed my thumb trying to open a bottle of wine with a hammer and a butter knife. Now, my finger hurts like crazy. I ran it under cold water, but the Motherfucker bled like a pig.

Probably gonna lose the nail. Shit looks split right down the middle, which I wouldn’t even think is possible unless I saw it with my own eyes. And now that I’ve seen it, I still don’t believe it. Like shutters on a haunted house. One panel all busted up in the frame and the other hanging loose by a hinge.

I had to sacrifice an old pair of pantyhose to stop the bleeding. Nylon is not a particularly absorbent material, I realize that now. But I think I did a good job. I started with the foot section and wrapped it round and round my thumb a bunch of times. Tore it from the bloomers part with my teeth. I got a shoelace from an old pair of sneakers I don’t wear anymore and tied it up nice and secure, like I was MacGuyver.

I’m gonna try to look on the bright side. At least the bottle didn’t break. There’s a goddamn mess for you! And a waste of some perfectly good wine when the glass is all shattery and shit.

Don’t worry. You can still enjoy what’s in there. Just hold a sheet of paper towel over your cup. If there’s any shards or slivers of glass, it catches them.

I might even squeeze the wine out of the napkin and drink it. Depends on how desperate I feel.